If this hadn't worked, I wouldn't be here today | Ember Health Patient Stories: Jean Ellen

In October of 2025, retiree and Ember Health patient Jean Ellen volunteered to tell her story as a part of a storytelling project run by documentarian Chandler Kauffman. The objective of the project is to raise awareness about how IV ketamine works to treat depression, and who it may help. We are humbled to serve extraordinary people like Jean Ellen and others in our community so that they may experience the relief they deserve, realize their full potential, and make their marks in their communities.

You can read Jean Ellen's full transcript below. If you’re seeking relief from depression and curious to explore care at Ember, we invite you to schedule a consultation call with a clinician from our team to understand whether IV ketamine care may be a fit.

I was diagnosed with depression when I was 16 and I started taking the antidepressant drugs that they had at that time. And over the years I've taken I I think maybe 10 different drugs because some would kind of work, some would work for a while, but I never really got rid of the depression.

I'm Jean Ellen. I'm retired now. I had 40-some odd years in healthcare and human services. No one tells you how great being retired is. It's really fabulous. The last place I worked was a health clinic for homeless people. People got healthcare because of what I did, and that was really fulfilling.

Imagine if there were this hairy monster that followed you around everywhere you went and it smelled bad, and its fur bothered your skin and it was loud and it was annoying and it's just always with you. That's how it is to be depressed. You can go to the movies, you can go to a party, you can go out with your friends, but there's always this despair, this hopelessness, this hairy monster. I spent a lot of time crying and sleeping for years. The depression has cost me a lot of joy and a lot of like not really being present in parts of my life. You're not really enjoying the life. You're not really tasting the food. You're not really enjoying the people.

There was just so much despair in my bones on the intake. I didn't put that I was suicidal because I thought they wouldn't take me if I said so. But I was and I had a plan. I was on my way out. When I retired, I decided my job is going to be to figure this out. I tried the mail order ketamine that you put it under your tongue and you do it at home and it didn't seem to work. I went to transmagnetic stimulation, did a whole round of that. I mean, it was several months.

The next thing on my list was, "Okay, let's try IV ketamine." I learned that you should be really careful. I had the misfortune of going to a few clinics that weren't very good. In the first clinic that I went to, there wasn't a lot of clinical supervision. It would go in and they'd say, "Well, you did this much last time. let's try this much this time". And it seemed kind of arbitrary. In one of the clinics that I was in, they gave you the dosage and then left the room. I had a life-threatening situation happen in one of the sessions. I never went back. The problem was that I felt like it actually kind of worked for me, but I just didn't feel safe in that clinic.

I did some more research and I found Ember Health. The intake was so appropriate. They wanted to talk to my physician. They wanted to talk to my therapist. I mean, they wanted to be like a team approach and very holistic. I've been around medical people all my life and I've run clinics before. So, I kind of know when some places run well and when it's not. And this place has run very well. It was really important to me when I came to Ember that it felt more like I was going to visit a friend. It was very comfy, cozy. It was like being in someone's living room. So, yes, I'm supported by excellent clinicians, but no, it didn't feel like a sterile clinic, hospital corridor kind of a place. The feeling is being held and cared for by people who know what they're doing and who want the best for you.

The Ember Health model is head and shoulders above all the other ones. It's so clinically excellent. It is so patient centered. Because of that bad experience that I had in another clinic, it's really important to me that Ember Health clinicians have experience in advanced airway management that if something happens, they know how to help. And I've never called out or needed somebody to intervene, but I know that someone, a medical person, is there with me the whole time. And that is really important.

I've done therapy all of my life with different people, different therapists. It's like people were giving me therapy and it just kind of bounced off. But the thing that was great about the ketamine was when I was working with a therapist, I got it. Like I could actually absorb what she was saying and the advice she was giving and I could actually practice the things that she was suggesting for me. I've never had therapy and really had it sink into my bones like it did this time. Suddenly everything's so much more clear. And it was like that when I got my first glasses like, "Wow, I I didn't know you were supposed to stand in the grass and actually be able to see individual blades".

I am getting so much more pleasure out of life. Colors are brighter. Food tastes better. I'm taking interest in things that I hadn't had an interest in before. I'm painting and I'm being creative. This has made such a huge difference in my life. I'm not on any antidepressants anymore. I am married to one of the most wonderful human beings that has ever walked the earth. He has been totally supportive of me and my life and he has been there for me and all of my bad days and I think he's relieved that he gets to enjoy life a little bit more, too.

I've lived with this for 50 years. I think a lot of people might think, "Oh, well, I'm I'm too old. It doesn't matter anymore." But my family lives to be 98 years old. I got another 30 years, and I get to live my best life for these next 30 years. How wonderful is that?